I feel tired.
It's ok to be tired, but this is't some passing or instantaneous feeling. It's deeper. Yet, thankfully, not necessarily permanent.
I'm paying off energy debt. I accumulated so much over the years, since I was a child. Always wanting to DO more, so that I could BE more. But I feel I've finally cracked the code and can report back that:
1) we are who we are- love that inner, truest self more and do less
2) when in doubt: most loving version of ourself is the most divine version
3) it doesn't involve tons of action to be that true self. the opposite, usually.
4) the real work is to release the fears that tell us we're somehow not worthy of this love. fears that creep in saying that we aren't diving. those are the layers that have to go.
So like a bandit cornered by the state troopers, I'm acquiescing. The jig is up. No more running and DOING. Now is the time for rest and just BEING for a hot second.
I understand now--like the awareness that comes to new mothers--that very few things are more important that caretaking, but in this example I am both the caretaker and the caretaken.
And it's all quite ok.
Somewhere it feels like we (this society of ours) got off course, and this "IT" --aka "LIFE" --took over our lives.
And the running of it ran us ragged. (Or is that just me? ;)
...And continues to do so for those who choose to stay the ragged course. I don't feel that I was forcibly removed from it, but yet that I have chosen ME instead of IT.
So what are we to do?
...Well, what I'm doing is stopping. Putting my oxygen mask on first. I can only be witness to my healing if I actually let it happen. And that means to move slowly. To take a whole bunch of shit off my to-do list. Make room for me. For health. For healing. And for thriving with MS.
If all my talk about releasing fear and connecting with your divine self got you thinking, here's a guided meditation that focuses on melting fear and unlocking all that good stuff. You've got it, now let it out!